Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
