That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
