Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
