mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
