if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
