She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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