At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
