he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
