i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
