And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
