As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
