I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
