I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
