you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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