you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How's work?
Spinning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
