Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
