what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
