Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
