its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
