How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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