ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
