whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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