so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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