I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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