I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
