im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
