you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
