okay pat passed out under dana's car
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
