Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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