I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
