1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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