Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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