And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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