I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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