I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
