just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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