he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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