mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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