I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
