Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Your penis caused this!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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