end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
