It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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