When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
