You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
