May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
