So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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