How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
