There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
