U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
