I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
