his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
